You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
