We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
