I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
