The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
