the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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