So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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