Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
