I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
