Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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