Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
