my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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