She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
