Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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