Yo dont text me then not text me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize