she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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