If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
