the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
