nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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