I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
