1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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