I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
