Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf