I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
