I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror