so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL