Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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