I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you never un-have a 4some
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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