I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize