I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He did a backflip because drugs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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