What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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