Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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