Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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