People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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