wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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