Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
