Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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