i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
