Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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