You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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