I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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