he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
