Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
