ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Last time i carry you out of a forest
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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