Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
