I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
