I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
