then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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