Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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