I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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