Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
