I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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