can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
