The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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