I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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