I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
