Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
