Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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