Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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