he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
