He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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