I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
