??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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