Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
