She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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