I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
